Celebrating Women Who Lift Each Other Up: Changing the Story, Building the Network, Leaving the Ladder Down

Early in my HR career, I learned a lesson I didn’t ask for and didn’t know I needed, but one I have carried with me ever since.

I was about 23, brand new to employee relations, and paired with a very senior male ER professional to shadow him on investigations. On the drive to the location, he briefed me on the case. It was fairly routine, a team was developing into cliques and their infighting was spilling into the larger department impacting the work and the mission of the department. Then, almost casually, he offered his theory.

“Women are like lobsters,” he said. “Always pulling each other down.”

I remember looking at him, not because I agreed, but because I honestly didn’t understand what he meant. So, I asked.

He told me he goes lobster fishing in Mexico each year to stock his freezer, and he described the Styrofoam ice chest they put the lobsters in. They pile on top of each other. One claws its way toward freedom, nearly out, and then another lobster reaches up and drags it back down into the pile. He said women are a lot like that, in his experience. They do not support each other. They keep each other from succeeding.

That comment landed hard. Not because it was true, but because it was unfortunately a bit familiar. I had already seen how quickly women can be judged more harshly than men for the same behavior, how easily women can be compared, pitted, and measured against each other. And I knew, even then, that if we accepted that narrative, it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Needless to say, it resonated with me deeply. And I decided, very intentionally, that I was not going to be part of that story.

Because here is what I have learned in the years since: 1) we do not need to step on each other to elevate ourselves; 2) there is room for all of us to rise; and 3) when women lift up other women, everybody benefits—our teams, our workplaces, our families, and our communities.

The Quiet Power of Women Who Lift Others Up

Women’s History Month is a moment to celebrate achievements, yes. But it is also a moment to talk about what sustains progress when the spotlight moves on. The truth is that growth for women is rarely a solo journey. It is built in conversations, introductions, encouragement, advocacy, and the daily choice to be a builder instead of a critic—to fix her crown without telling her it was crooked.

In every workplace, there are women who quietly make the difference and I hope that you have some of these women in your network and in your corner:

• The one who pulls someone into the room when they are being overlooked.
• The one who says, “You should go for it,” when self-doubt is doing its best work.
• The one who shares what she knows without gatekeeping it.
• The one who gives credit out loud, especially when the person is not there to receive it.

That is courageous leadership. It is also practical leadership. Because talent does not thrive in isolation. It thrives in a network.

Your Network Is Not a Bonus, It’s a Career Asset

We talk about career paths like they are clean and linear, but most of us know that is not how life works. A career is a series of seasons—growth seasons, caregiving seasons, rebuilding seasons, and “I need to pivot” seasons. You can change your path. You can change industries, change roles, change pace. But your network remains one of the most important stabilizers you can have.

A strong network does not just help you find your next job. It helps you find your next self or perhaps to help you find your true self.

When life changes, you may need a new network. That is normal. That is not a failure. It is an “and then what” attitude. It is recognizing that you are allowed to evolve, and you are allowed to seek people who understand the season you are in now.

The First Leadership Rung Matters More Than the Glass Ceiling

We talk a lot about the glass ceiling, and it is real. But I have also seen a different barrier that deserves more attention. It’s the first leadership rung.

Women are often overlooked at that level, or they do not go after it, not because they do not have the ability or drive, but because they are already carrying more than their share. Women tend to put others first, whether it be our kids, our spouses and partners, our parents, our extended family, our communities. And in doing so, we often push ourselves to the bottom of the priority list. I hear the sigh and yes, I’m talking to you! I see you.

From the outside, it can look like an “off-ramp.” From the inside, it feels like survival.

This is why advocacy matters. This is why sponsorship matters. This is why network strength matters. It is not enough to say, “She should just raise her hand.” We have to build environments where raising your hand does not come with a penalty.

What Happens When Caregiving Is Treated Like a Character Flaw

Another story from my HR days still makes my stomach tighten when I think about it.

I had a boss and a senior member of the team who were not supportive of those of us with familial obligations. They were not understanding of what it takes to manage work while also managing real life, including children, aging parents, a spouse who needs care, or simply the unpredictable demands that fall on the person in the family who is “the default.”

We were recruiting for a new team member. The manager and the senior employee were on the panel. After a staff meeting, several of us were in a common area outside the manager’s office, and we could hear their conversation as they discussed who they wanted to offer the role to.

They said things like, “Well at least she won’t have any soccer games to leave early for,” and “At least she won’t go out on maternity leave.”

Let that sit for a moment. This was in HR!

All of us listening had kids ranging from small ones to tweenagers. A couple of staff were coaches for their kids’ teams. And we stood there, hearing our lives described as inconveniences, our responsibilities treated like liabilities.

The other part of this story is even harder. A coworker, and a strong women who I am proud to include on my personal board of directors, was out on maternity leave and came in from leave to interview for the role. It would have been a promotion for her. She didn’t get selected. When she returned, she asked for feedback and was told she “wasn’t in the right frame of mind” at that time for the role.

That was not feedback. That was bias dressed up in polite language.

And it taught me, in a way no leadership training ever could, how I never wanted to treat others.

If You See a Woman Struggling, Do Not Call It “Lack of Commitment”

Many women are trying to do all the things and doing them well enough that their struggle is invisible until they break. When we see a woman stretched thin, the question is not, “Why can’t she handle it?” The better question is, “What would help her right now?”

Sometimes help looks like:

• Flexibility without guilt.
• Workload adjustments without penalty.
• A leader who says, “You don’t have to prove your dedication by burning yourself out.”
• A colleague who steps in and says, “I’ve got this part.”
• A culture where caregiving is treated as a normal part of life, not an exception to be punished.

Women, in particular, need to give an extra lift to women carrying heavy home-care responsibilities. That includes children, aging parents, spouses, and all the invisible logistics that keep households running. The reality is that when caregiving spikes, women are often expected to absorb it quietly. We can do better than that!

Advocate for Yourself, and Then Advocate for Another Woman

Self-advocacy is not selfish. It is necessary.

If you do not speak up for yourself, you may be waiting a long time for someone else to do it. Advocate for your growth. Ask for the stretch assignment. Put your name forward. State your goals out loud. Do not apologize for wanting more.

And then, once you have found your footing, sponsor another woman. Not just mentoring, not just advice. Sponsorship means you use your influence. You recommend her for opportunities. You say her name in rooms she is not in. You push back when she is underestimated. You create space for her to be seen.

Coaching and mentoring are powerful. Sponsorship is catalytic.

Practical Ways to Lift Other Women Today

Not everything has to be a formal program. Often, the most meaningful support is specific and actionable. Here are a few ways women can help other women right now:

• Be a coach or mentor, even informally.
• Offer to review a résumé and give honest, constructive feedback.
• Do a mock interview and help someone practice confidence, not perfection.
• Make an introduction to someone in your network who could open a door.
• Share what you know about navigating your workplace, especially the unwritten rules.
• Give public credit. Advocate privately. Correct misinformation in the moment.
• Challenge the “lobster” narrative when you see it creeping in.

And if you have ever found yourself tempted to judge another woman harshly, pause and ask: What am I missing about what she is carrying? That moment of curiosity can change the entire interaction.

Do Not Regret the Choices You Made to Survive

A lot of women carry quiet regret about career choices. It might be about the role they didn’t pursue, the move they didn’t make, or the season they stepped back.

Here is what I believe—learn from every experience and do not punish yourself for doing what you needed to do.

Sometimes the choice was not between “career growth” and “no growth.” Sometimes the choice was between “career growth” and “keeping your family afloat,” or “career growth” and “your mental health,” or “career growth” and “a body that was telling you it could not keep going at that pace.”

Taking time for yourself is not selfish. It is sustainable and builds resilience. And sustainability and resilience are leadership skills.

Helping Women Understand Why Elevating Each Other Matters

If we want women to elevate each other, we have to name the forces that try to stop us.

We have been conditioned to believe there is limited space at the top, so we compete for crumbs. We have been taught that another woman’s success threatens ours, when the truth is quite the opposite—one woman rising makes it easier for the next woman to rise. Ever heard the phrase “standing on the shoulders of giants”?

When we elevate each other, we normalize women in leadership. We create visibility. We make it harder for bias to hide. We build momentum. And we replace the lobster story with a better one.

Leaving the Ladder Down

For those of us at or near the end of our careers, this is a powerful time to reflect on legacy. Not legacy as a title or a retirement party, but legacy as a pathway we helped widen.

The upcoming generation of women needs resources, access, and support to achieve the goals and dreams they have. That does not end when you retire. In fact, it might be one of the most important chapters of your leadership.

You can keep supporting them after you have stepped away from the day-to-day work. You should, when you can—In between your travel and your hobbies and your well-earned freedom from schedules—make the time.

Send the note. Make the introduction. Take the call. Review the résumé. Share what you learned the hard way, so they don’t have to.

Because leadership is not only about how high you climb. It is also about what you build on the way up. It’s your legacy.

And the best workplaces, the best teams, and the best careers are built by women who lift each other up.